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Funny christmas quotes #FunnyChristmasQuotes

Funny christmas quotes and Sayings, Funny Merry Christmas Messages and Cards of All Time you can share Facebook, instagram for everyone #FunnyChristmas #FunnyQuotes @FunnyChristmasQuotes

Dear Santa, before I try to explain… could you tell me please how much do you already know???

What is the most difficult task for a man at Christmas? To make the kids think that he is Santa Claus, and to make the woman understand that he is not.

Santa-claustrophobia – a fair to to make Christmas shopping in crowded stores.

The goose wish for a Cristmas: “I want to know the truth – is there a life after Christmas?”

>>> Christmas quotes tumblr

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Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree.  In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.

Christmas is a state of mind and that special feeling that only comes with an empty bank account.- Melanie White

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

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Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. – Kin Hubbard

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” — Shirley Temple

It’s the holiday season. Let the overeating begin! – Melanie White

>> Merry christmas quotes

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What I hate about office Xmas parties, is looking for a new job after holiday.

I tried to send you something extraordinary for Christmas but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox.

There was only one Christmas – the others are just anniversaries.

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This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.- Guy Endore Kaiser

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.” — George Carlin

>> Mery Christmas quotes and best greetings cards

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Once a year, on Christmas, people of all religions come together to worship Jesus…

Christmas should be a time of peace and contemplation, but who came up with the idea that there must be gifts???

Santa has the right habit – to visit people once a year.

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“For Christmas this year, try giving less. Start with less attitude. There’s more than enough of that in the world as it is – and people will usually just give it back anyway!” – Anne Bristow

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. – Larry Wilde

“That’s the true spirit of Christmas: people being helped by people other than me.” — Jerry Seinfeld

>> Merry Christmas Quotations

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Wishing you Christmas filled with stress, fatigue and anger. Ok, maybe it isn’t pretty, but at least it’s pretty realistic.

Christmas time is magical, because I buy gifts for this year with next year’s money.

May your Christmas be like Santa – fat, cheerful and generous.

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I’ve never really understood why Jews go out for Chinese food on Christmas Eve, but I think it’s because so many Chinese restaurants have the word “temple” in their names. – Dan Zevin

Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.- Melanie White

“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” — Johnny Carson

>>> Funny quotes about life

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I once tried to be an atheist, but I gave up – they don’t have Christmas holidays!!!

Christmas is the time when people light so many bulbs outside of their houses, that you think they’re celebrating the birth of General Electric.

In our town we can’t have a Jesus nativity scene for Christmas, because we just can’t find 3 wise men and a virgin.

>> Happy New Year Quotes

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“Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind.” – Mary Ellen Chase

“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” — Jay Leno

The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for twenty minutes. – Julius Sharpe ‏@juliussharpe

>> New Year Quotes

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Santa is so cheerful because he knows where all bad girls live.

Dear Santa, give me a big fat bank account and slim body this Christmas. Please, don’t mix them up like you did last year…

Using a credit card at Christmas time is like peeing your pants in cold weather.

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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

The amount of time and energy we spend putting up and taking down holiday decorations tells me our ‘top of the food chain’ claim is invalid. – Linda in Disguise ‏@LindaInDisguise

Do you know why so many people love Jesus? Without Jesus, no Christmas. – Melanie White

>>> Top Quotes

Funny christmas quotes

Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases. – Bridger Winegar

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree.  In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.

From home to home, and heart to heart, from one place to another.
The warmth and joy of Christmas, brings us closer to each other. ~ Emily Matthews

>>> Thanksgiving quotes

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin. – Winston Spear

Christmas sells start earlier every year. Next Christmas is expected to start in August.

Mail your gifts early so the post office can lose them in time for Xmas.

This Christmas I got you 20 tickets of lottery. You won 3 $! Here’s these…

A hug is the ideal Christmas gift: one size fits all and nobody minds if you wish to exchange it.