Top 150 Funny quotes about life and sayings with nice photo for you, Funny Life Quotes images and funny pictures download free. One of the best things to do to improve your health is to laugh often. Improve your mood by reading these quotes about all the things life has to offer. Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. In the morning you beg to sleep more, in the afternoon you are dying to sleep, and at night you refuse to sleep. More funny quotes about life tumblr, funny quotes about life lessons, funny quotes about life being hard, funny quotes about life and love, funny quotes about life in general, funny facebook status for everybody.
All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.
God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face.
I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you’ll need me to complete your picture. Savannah Highnote
Life is not about how you survive the storm, it’s about how you dance in the rain. –
When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed –
Life isn’t measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Fred Allen
I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I’d just love to punch right in the face!
The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. Walter Bagehot
The alphabet begins with ABC, numbers begin with 123, music begins with do-re-mi, and friendship begins with you and me.
Quotes About Humor Inspirational
Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched
No matter where life takes me, you’ll find me with a smile. Presumed to be happy, always laughing like a child. I never thought life could be this sweet! It’s got me cheesing from cheek to cheek!― Mac Miller
Parents always make their worst mistakes with their oldest children. That’s when parents know the least and care the most, so they’re more likely to be wrong and also more likely to insist that they’re right.― Orson Scott Card
The process of learning is a nonstop orgy of wonderment.― Lev Grossman
You’ll enjoy it. There is much you can learn from books and scrolls,” said Jeod. He gestured at the walls. “These books are my friends, my companions. They make me laugh and cry and find meaning in life.
Certainly there are things in life that money can’t buy, but it’s very funny – Did you ever try buying them without money.― Ogden Nash
If laughter is the best medicine, let’s OD together.― Michael P. Clutton
When you write from your gut and let the stuff stay flawed and don’t let anybody tell you to make it better, it can end up looking like nothing else.― Louis C.K.
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner
Me: For the first time in life, things seem to be getting better. 🙂 Life: LOL, give me a second!
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Stop worrying about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia. Charles M. Schulz
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account.
There’s life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link
I don’t need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.
The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it’s having the phone number of somebody who does!
I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life. George Burns
Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.
When you have failed at being nice, you’ve actually succeeded in being mean. Success is everywhere if you know where to look for it.― Katina Ferguson
Do you want to know the world? Then look at it closely. Do you want to like it? Then look at it from afar.― Ion Luca Caragiale
A lot of men tend to want “models” I tell men, unless they look like a model themselves, they can’t expect to land one.― Trisha Ventker
More often than not, if a person is wearing a smile, there is a victim attached somewhere.― Donald Gorman
I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.― Cassandra Duffy
I enjoy growing older and wiser and learning from my mistakes every single day.― Ellen DeGeneres
I’m not mean, I just give people a good reason to hate me― Haresh Daswani
I decided to irritate him, on the premise that it couldn’t make my situation any worse.― Jeff Somers
The hardest thing to find in life is happiness – money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.
You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.
The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive
Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that’s when they’re the hardest to find?
The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.
The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.
Whether it’s the best of times or the worst of times, it’s the only time we’ve got
I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t like the thought of being gone so long!
I stretch my arms, I bend my knees, I straighten my neck, and they are all crunching. Conclusion: I’m not getting older, I’m getting more crunchy.
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
Accept who you are, unless you’re a serial killer.
I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.
May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short.
Out of all the lies I’ve told, “Just kidding!” is my favorite.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed.
I put the pro in procrastinate.
Etc. – End of Thinking Capacity.
If life is not smiling at you, give it a good tickling.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong. Charles M. Schulz
If I don’t log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must’ve kidnapped me!
I didn’t fall, I’m just spending some quality time with the floor.
Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you’re cold, you should go to a corner since it’s 90 degrees there.
When I was small I thought money and fame brought all the happiness in the world. Now that I’m grown up, I know I was right.
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory. Mark Twain
Growing up is amazing, until you get old!
When you’re thinking that I’m thinking of you, I’m thinking you’re thinking of me.
I live my life one weekend at time, for those two days nothing else matters, I am FREE.
We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.
It’s all fun and games, until someone calls the cops. Then it’s a new game; hide and seek.
If your life is all about screwing things and getting hammered, then congratulations, you’re a tool.
We kill people who kill people because killing people is wrong.
I’m gonna go take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it.
My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying.
It’s useless to hold a person to anything they say when they are in love, drunk, or running for office.
Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
If she were a president, she’d be Baberham Lincoln.
The secret of success is to go from mistake to mistake without losing your enthusiasm
I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen
If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z – keeping your mouth shut. Albert Einstein
My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them
If only common sense were more common.
Today I will live in the moment… unless that moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I’ll take a nap.
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let’s swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals.
Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. Lesson: Don’t be afraid or angry and you won’t have to run and fight.
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter,.. like watching TV, and having a beer
Retirement is great, you get to be your own boss and tell yourself to do nothing all day.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, just try missing a couple of payments.
Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in the one ahead.
I’m great in bed; I can sleep for days.
Of course I’m not perfect; there’s a crack in my ass!
I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life; if I die next Tuesday.
Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says, ‘Oh crap, she’s up.’
Silence is golden; duct tape is silver.
I’m so broke, I can’t even pay attention.
Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel it.
A good friend will help you move, a best friend will help you move a dead body.
A politician is a fellow who will lay your life down for his country.